No Pathos

This is an ode to the kid I used to be....It's like, as a young'n, what did they ALWAYS ask you? "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

The answer for this, at least to me, was always different. I NEVER had an idea. Here I am now as a grown up thinking like, "Wow, maybe I should've given a shit."

It seemed like school days were an eternity each, giving you this sense of security, like, "I got plenty of time to decide."

While living through these eternities, I just kept drawing out and eliminating options for myself. I can do anything under the sun I put my mind to, it's just discipline I lack. With enough patience, I COULD be a mathematician. If I didn't prefer to live a sedentary lifestyle, I COULD be an athlete. If I could sit down and organize a thought without getting bored, I COULD be a writer. If I could stand getting graphite on my left hand all the fuckin' time, I COULD be an artist.

Coming up in the last school I spent in elementary, there was no Honor Roll there. Wanna know why? I WAS the Honor Roll. Nobody saw my straight A's. I didn't work for those A's at all. It was natural. I never "studied", and other kids would tell me how they would bust their asses at home and only get C's. I spent every hour of my outside school life playing video games. Academics were never important to me.

Despite these A's, teachers would tell my mom during conferences, "He's doing well, but I think he's just doing enough to get by." Duh! With an A, do you think I'm going to do, go an extra mile for an A+? To bring back an old skool slang, "Bitch, you got me stuck!"

I would look at the other kids, and I'd think to myself, "A lot of these cats ain't goin' nowhere." Did that make me insecure, probably. I never looked ahead, I stared at the ground, and took life as it came. I guess in order to go anywhere, you gotta make it for yourself........I feel as if getting schooled is selling out to what I believe.

There is no happiness in the institute for me. I'm happy a lot of the kids I grew up with are taking steps to make the world better for themselves. It's funny though, I didn't believe in them, they didn't believe in me.....we were just unaware of each others' talents.

****

As I continue to grow, and the folks I came up around do too, I start to feel left behind. I guess because I have banked my entire future on a career that is guaranteed to no one. A lot of people are nearly done with college, a lot of stardom chasers are taking steps........I don't even have my foot in the door.

It's seriously time for Third World Records to kinetic this potential.

--midas has opened--